Coercive control

Easier to do what he wants

Domestic abuse isn’t always physical. Often it is emotional and manipulative. Abuse can be when you feel controlled, humiliated or frightened by someone.

They may make you feel isolated, deprive you of your independence and regulate your everyday behaviours.

This is called coercive control. You might feel that they have too much say over some aspects of your life. You don’t have to be living together to be experiencing abuse.

Relationships can be confusing, especially if you really like someone but they say and do things you’re not comfortable with. It’s important to think about what feels right for you.

Emotional abuse can hurt you as much as physical or sexual abuse. They may say they love you and want you all to themselves, but emotional abuse is NOT a sign of love, but a means of controlling you and undermining your independence and self-worth. When someone really likes or loves you, they treat you with respect.

Domestic abuse can happen to anyone. It is no respecter of age, class, gender, sexual identity, race. Or religion. Border Women’s Aid is here to help ALL women in the Scottish Borders, whatever your background by providing advice, a safe place to stay (if needed), and on-going support.

You can learn more about coercive control here.

You can find out more by watching these real-life story videos produced by Scottish Women’s Aid.

Amira’s story

Shona’s story

“He gets mad over little things, he flies into a mad temper so quickly it scares me. It’s just easier to do what he wants.”