My Story
Leaving your partner is not as hard as you think. There is so much support out there to help you. I left my partner and walked into a police station who contacted Border Women's Aid for me. Someone came and picked me and my children up and took us to a women's refuge.
The refuge is 2 houses knocked into one, you get your own bedroom and share a kitchen laundry room, playroom, living room, bathroom, shower room. When I left we just had the clothes we we were wearing, but you don't have to worry because there is a big cupboard full of clothes for you to use. Everything is provided in the house you require for every day needs.
Once you settle into the refuge there is a drop-in center where there is always someone to help you sort out the rest of your life. They help you with things like money, your own place and your children's education. The staff is so caring and supportive and the help is there 24 hours a day.
The children are given support to settle into school and not made to feel different from anyone else. It is just as hard for them to leave their home and school. There are play-workers who come to the refuge to play with your children, which I know my children really enjoyed. There is a creche for your children when you need to go anywhere. I now do a computer class and education class and an adult direction course.
When you get your new home there is a lot of help to get you furniture for your new home. I used to think about my old furniture a lot but someone once told me you're better not having it just holds bad memories for you.
I would like to thank everyone who has helped me get to where I am now as I feel happier than I have in years. I now have a safe place to bring up my children who are much happier as well.
My Experience
This is a letter to let all my friends know what I have been doing with my life since I saw you all last.
It was tearing me apart to be away from my boys,so I made the decision to move abck to the states.
I got a divorce and am now seeing my boys, which makes my life a pleasure. Added to this, I met a wonderful, caring loving man and fell head over heels in love with him. We spent some time getting to know each other and realized we were totally inseperable. We fell in love and were married.
My life has made a complete turn around and I am thankful to all of you who I am sending this letter to for all your love and support you gave me when I was at my lowest and life had treated me badly. I am a stronger person who can make independent decisions that are backed up by my husband, who supports and encourages me to follow my dreams. We are in the process of gettig ready to build the home we have just designed together. Life is wonderful.
Thank you all again for your shoulders to cry on, your patience to listen and your advice, encouragement and guidance to make me a better person and enjoy my life once again. I can always count on your friendship no matter how far apart we all are.
In Their Own Words
"Don't use the tumble drier, it costs too much. "Don't put the heating on" etc. etc . My life was a daily routine of do's and don'ts as was my 6 year old sons, as soon as we moved in I knew I had made a mistake.
I don't take kindly to being ordered about in what is meant to be my home so I would retaliate then we would argue and fight and life was hell.
This went on for as long as I could stand it, and I started loonking for a way out. I didn't have losts of money and had given ,most of my things away when I'd moved in so I really thought I was stuck in that situation.
The one day a friend suggested BWA so I looked them up in phonebook and found there was an instant help, I thought about things for a couple of weeks then decided to get us out of there I picked up the phone again and my life changed completely.
We were taken to the drop in centre in a taxi and introduced to the staff on duty, as soon as we go there I knew I'd done the right thing. Everyone was so nice and supportive.
We were then taken up to the refuge and show a clean and comfortable bedroom with our own TV then shown around the rest of the house which has everything you need for day to day living and more, tumble drier (that I was allowed too use) even a dishwasher.
Settling in was made easy, as there were other women and children in the house who had been through the same hell as us in varying degrees and it felt good to always have people I could relate with, with that and the help and support of staff at the drop in centre I felt strong enough to start a new life.
With the help of BWA and our new friends we are now settled in our new home and things are not bad at all.
I feel personally that life is worth living again and also that my life is my own, I can't praise BWA enough and would recommend them to anyone who thinks as I did ( that there is nowhere to turn to) 5 months ago I was unhappy with my lot and thought we were stuck with it, right now I am looking forward to the rest of my life, whatever it may bring.